unfortunate go-around-come-around

some people get married because they think it will last forever. My first marriage, shotgun wedding in 10th grade before the baby came, I knew that wasn't gonna last. Told him on the morning of the wedding.
But the second marriage, AWWHH love baby .......the kind you go to Jail for...literally....well, almost.
I was 21 he was 17, anyways im making a long story short. He did 1 yr in the county when he was 18. Gets out, we get married. 1 yr later, and 5 months into my pregnancy with our daughter, he gets scentenced to 5 years for some other ish.
whole nother blog .
So..........fast forward...........he gets out, we try to make it work again, I now have my older son, our daughter, plus a new 1 year old baby...(a whole "NOTHER" blog for that part too), dude obviously aint gonna be the same as when he left.
He's a bully, a little more controlling, I don't know maybe he got punked or got his ass kicked I know it aint easy being a pretty white boy in the joint.......
I tried LORD JESUSS I tried all the years he was in......sending him thousands of income tax money every year so he could have his smokes and frikin scooby snacks.........800 a month on collect calls....had to live with my parents and cheat my kids out of extra they could have had so I could afford him.......
after living together 5 months we got into our final fight......equally at fault.....I end up with a broken nose and two black eyes......kinda not fair cause i am a much smaller girl, but i aint a cop caller ....I believe in Karma.....he leaves to his people's house in another city. gets his dumb butt locked up again for a year for somethin else...i move on with my life..etc.etc.
fast forward three years.......I've accepted that he rarely calls the kid. I've accepted the 19 year old stripper girlfriend that scraps like a dude....I've accepted ( but am still pretty facking bitter) the fact that i may never get a dime of child support from my "husband" who has never even had a legit job for more than 1 month.........even after he said "you won't EVER get a DIME out of my paycheck" , after all the money time effort and love i invested.......blown car engines and shit driving 5 hours to see him in Parts of Florida I never even wanted to know existed.....OKAY after all this I am his friend...............I even can say I LOVE him .......now I do have principles, and I could never be with him again no matter how awesome he may become in the future because I have this EXTRA little hump on my nose that used to be a cute little PR nose...see, principalities.....never could be together...
but on Halloween night....for the first time in years, ( I haven't seen him in 3 yrs, he always picks up the kid from my momma house), we talked like good friends like we once were. I told him I worry about him and him and his girlfriend should move to another city, even my city to be closer to the kids...I told him Daytona don't mean him no good...and I love our Daughter so much I don't EVER want to have to deliver her any tragic news about him to her like a long prison scentence or his death. He agrees and keeps calling me back for the whole night ....the Hoe must have been at work..but still unusual for him to call so much it was almost like I was comforting him ....I was really the only stabilityand person with a little sense he used to have ever in his life.....I told him to please stay off the street ...he talked to his daughter while i was driving her around trick or treating, then would switch the phone back to me....almost like he was longing to be there.
the next morning I get a phone call from his sister.....he's in intensive care. Has 15 staples to the back of the head and jaw wired shut and unconscious. Please don't tell Tati they say. like I'm gonna tell my 8 yr old her daddy got his ass whooped 2 hours after they had a loving conversation. Tears came to my eyes, I had a moment of weakness thinking about (damn lump in my throat right now) thinking about telling tati her dad passed away before he really had a chance to get it together and be the dad he always talked about being......I feel bad , really really really bad.....................................

But SHIT this extra lil hump on my nose for some reason keeps causing me to chuckle.......Im gonna go repent now
PEACE